Parents are Shepherds, Not Engineers

Rather than trying to redesign children to be like others, accept them for who they are.

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Specialty Areas

ADHD

ADD/ADHD is a chronic, developmental, possibly handicapping condition. It is neurochemical in nature and by far the most effective treatment is stimulant medication. However, children and
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Relationships

Opposites sometimes attract but they tend not to last. People assume that they need someone to complement them so they look for someone who has characteristics they do not possess.
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Depression

Depression occurs in both adults and children. The symptoms may be masked by alcohol or drug abuse or by physical symptomalogy.
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Anxiety

Anxiety, along with depression, are the most common mental health concerns. Anxiety affects work, relationships, and parenting. It often is manifested as a physical or medical disorder.
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Child Behavior Problems

Parents are Shepherds, Not Engineers: Strive to Enjoy Your Children as Individuals; Rather Than Trying to Redesign Them to Be Like Others;Use Immediate Feedback; Act, Don't Yak
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Stress Management

A list of 101 ways to help you manage stress. Keep it handy and refer to it when you feel things are starting to overload for you.
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General Parenting Practices

Adapted from Russell Barkley, Ph.D.

Principles

Parents are Shepherds, Not Engineers: Strive to Enjoy Your Children as Individuals

Rather Than Trying to Redesign Them to Be Like Others, Accept Children for Who They Are

Use Immediate Feedback

Act, Don't Yak

Keep Your Sense of Humor

Use Rewards Before Punishment

Anticipate Problem Settings–Make a Plan

Keep a Sense of Priorities

Practice Forgiveness (Child, Self, Others)

Shape Behavior Through Reinforcement Techniques

Consider Establishing a Home Token System

Use Fines, Time-out

Heavily Praise High Compliance Commands Initially

Use Imperatives, Not Questions

Use Eye Contact, Touching When Communicating

Child Recites Request

Make Complex Chores Simpler (if necessary)

Reduce Time Delays for Consequences

Reward Throughout the Task

Time Out Procedure

• For Household Rules—Instant Time-out
• Deliver command as a 3-step sequence
• Command (5 count, backwards)
• Warning (5 counts, backwards, raise voice)
• Initiate time-out, if noncompliant
• Release From Time-out Contingent on:
  • Serving minimum period (1-2 minutes/year of age)
  • Must be quiet during time-out
  • Then consent to and do command
• Afterwards, Reward Next Good Behavior
• If Child Escapes Time-out:
  • Increase length of time-out does not work
  • Consider using fines in Token System
  • Use bedroom for time-out (remove fun objects from room); close and lock door if in extreme situations

 

Joe Peraino, Ph.D. works as a professional coach and psychologist. Contact him at joe@joeperaino.com